I think I just saw someone hide a body.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Randomize
