also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize