I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize