Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
