One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize