woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
