How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
