listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Randomize
