"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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