These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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