She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Randomize
