did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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