I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Randomize
