Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
