I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize