how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
