dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Randomize
