dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
