did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
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