do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Randomize
