Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Randomize
