Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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