I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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