i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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