I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
