She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
