I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
