Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
