so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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