2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
