My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
