well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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