life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
zippers are such a cool invention
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
