Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
