we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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