Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
