My cat gives me a boner
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
