then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
