I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
