We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
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