I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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