so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
