K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize