We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things šš
He was all āplease donāt bail because Iām missing work for thisā last night
Honey no, I need dick. Iām not going to bail
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