Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
