Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
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