so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
