everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
How's work?
Spinning.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
