my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
