Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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