Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize