I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
