Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
