she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
