I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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