i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Let's get the cat blown out
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
