oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
