Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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