i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Randomize
