He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
