no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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