All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Text me some of your sweat
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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