I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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