you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
