tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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