last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
