Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
