All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Randomize
