butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
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