Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
