I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I can't turn off my feet"
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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