The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
