People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
