It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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