she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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