I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
