Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Dicks are not precious.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
