Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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