she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
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