I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
