Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
