btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
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