The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
