Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I think im going to throw up on grandma
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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