Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
