All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
