just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
