Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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