Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
