I molested 6 butterflies tonight
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
