New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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