he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
