you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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