You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
