she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize