1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Randomize
