She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
