is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
