My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
