Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Never underestimate the power of titties
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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