dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Randomize
