my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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