You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
