so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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