Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
