Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Randomize
