So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
